It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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