Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
