I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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