To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
