no, he came in my armpit
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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