just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
