At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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