Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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