The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
