that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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