I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize