You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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