if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
