I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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