Where is the hickey?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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