my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
