He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
