i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
