I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
