Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
