i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
