she looked like the before picture.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
