i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
