DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
