once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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