i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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