Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
