i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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