my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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