Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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