my mouth tastes like poor choices
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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