he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
