Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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