I cockslap morals
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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