What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My bed smells like the plague
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
