College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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