I smell stomach acid.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
