Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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