My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
