Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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