Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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