They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
