yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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