You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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