You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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