life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
