when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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