Your dad touched me again.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
