I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
