So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
