Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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