on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
