When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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