Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
