Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
