Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
