My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i think my cat just said my name.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
