I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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