Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
