Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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