he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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