You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize