I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
