so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
