all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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