I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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