Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize