If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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