He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
