Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
