All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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