I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
