I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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