I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize