smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I looked at my own cervix.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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