dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
