i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
