hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
