Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
